My Idea of the Perfect Dominant



To be a Dom is to be confident and caring. A Dom should be in control of himself first and foremost. He does not allow his ego to get in the way of learning either about himself or his submissive. He knows how to love and how to cherish the gift given to him. He does not demand respect but rather earns it.

When he first meets a new submissive, he is kind and guiding without demanding any ritual. He explores her mind first, learning her strengths. He does not seek to seduce, but rather to get to know her as a person first, building a relationship, slowly discovering if there is to be one. He is the first to mention safety, to volunteer references and to tell her to seek more information. Safety is foremost in his mind and he supports safe calls and public meetings first.

If the time comes when she offers herself to him, he is the first to question her decision. To ask her to look into herself and discover if he is what she really wants. If he does take her into his service, he is the first to mention negotiations, to offer his own personal information. He knows her risks are all too real and he seeks to guide her in protecting herself. He does not dismiss her worries or concerns. He is open and honest about his life, tastes, and what he expects. He knows that she will be taking a leap of faith and is supportive of her. He realizes that the safety of both depend on honesty and communication.

He knows that he must first earn her respect. He knows that to do this, he must prove he is what he says he is and that He cares for her and would only push her limits to build her own strengths. That he is willing to spend time learning about her as a person and then, as a submissive. He is willing to live up to the trust she places in him. He talks with her, learning her needs and desires, even the secret ones hidden deep within her. He seeks to build her confidence both in herself and in the gift she gives. He does this by gently pushing her limits to show her she can be more than she feels she is, that she can go farther than she ever thought possible. Thus slowly opening the flower of her submission, coaxing her passion for him into full blossom. He focuses on her strengths to show her of her own power. He shows He respects her and finds her worthy of his time. He shows her she has beauty in his eyes, thus showing her she is beautiful. He knows that the gift of herself that she gives is the most wonderful gift of all and he strives to show her this.

He takes the time to learn her soul for as he learns about her soul a connection will take place allowing him to sense her desires, her needs, her passions. With this knowledge, he is able to take his submissive to new heights, to guide her, to walk with her together as they seek new levels of love and fulfillment.

He takes on many responsibilities when he accepts the gift from his submissive. He pledges to help guide her in her path, not only that of the bedroom, but that of life as well. He pledges to be there for her when she needs him, to care for her, ease her pain when she is depressed, comfort her when she is ill, assist her in overcoming her fears and worries, to hold and love her when she needs affection. He does all of this because he can, for this is his gift to her, given willingly and returned to her with joy. She is his most precious possession and he strives to prove his love, much the way she will, every day.

He does not seek to change her, but rather to show her what she can become. He enjoys showing her those strengths she already possesses, and guides her, helping her to grow into the person she wishes to be. He coaxes her into finding her own path, never stating outright what that path is, but once found, he will keep her to her task, gently pushing her to become the woman He knows she can be.

He knows the difference between punishment and play, between pain and sensation. He never exerts his power in anger. He never brings anger and hostility into a scene. He does not use this gift to vent his anger, but leaves outside concerns outside. He knows that to control others, he must first master Himself. He takes her gift of submission seriously, knowing that it is not given blindly or lightly. He always remembers how precious this gift is, how rare it is, how beautiful it is. She has given him something that cannot be taken, the gift of herself, her soul, and he will cherish that gift as the rare jewel that it is. He exercises his art to help his submissive become the woman she has always been, deep within her sprit.

The Dominant holds control but only as far as the submissive is willing to go. He may push her limits for the pleasure of both, however, the submissive can walk away at anytime, hard as that may be, if the Dominant loses sight of her needs or becomes abusive.

At time, the Dominant may understand that the submissive can go farther than she thought. The use of safe words is critical during this process of learning, for He is able to take her up and past some of those limits with their use. But if he does not heed the submissives use of a safe word, an important trust is broken. Safe words are meant to use for the relationship to grow, to help develop trust and understanding. The Dominant knows he cannot read minds, even if he knows his submissive extremely well. In time the two can reach a point where the Dominant knows how far the submissive can go physically, emotionally, and spiritually and the submissive can come to trust her Dominant's decisions.